The Art of Manliness
by Hatchen
Summary: A pre-series AU. Sir Kay convinces a young King Arturia that she must take a wife. Posing as Arthur, Arturia must find someone willing to keep her secret.
1. Chapter 1

Here is a Arturia Pendragon pre-series AU.

(Warning this is an Emiya Shirou-free zone)

Chapter 1.

* * *

There was a gaping hole in court that everyone knew to be missing with the exception of the King herself. Sir Kay felt responsible for the King's lack of insight as he was one of three people who held her secret. More so, he took on a key role in fostering his sister into a brother. In Arturia, they sought to create the perfect successor to the throne of Caerleon. Merlin taught her governing, Sir Ector military strategy, and Kay was his sister's instructor in things regarding manliness.

Kay being the person Arturia interacted with the most was the first to sense the growing disconnect within his sister. At first Kay assumed she was going through a mere phase, but as years passed the disconnect blossomed into a noticeable deficiency. His sister was solemn, callous, and standoffish, all qualities acceptable of a ruler yet for Arturia it went deeper.

When Kay spoke to Merlin, the sorcerer failed to understand the issue and really how could he? By default the magus powers put him on the fringe of humanity. The only person whom he could speak with was their father but Sir Ector was away securing the borderlands. Therefore, it fell on Kay to have a conversation with his sister years in the making.

The King's study was a drafty circular gray room with a great view of the woodland area that lay north of the castle. Facing away from the window was a heavy cherry wood desk. It was carved in the shape of a lion with the legs being the paws and the lion's back making up the workspace. The lion's mane was bent in reverence to the person sitting behind the desk, giving the impression of total submission. This piece of furniture stood in contrast to the simple daybed and a table set that furnished the rest of the room.

Arturia sat hunched at her desk fixated on a scroll. Her chain mail cuffed her neck and scaled down her arms over her fingertips. A yawn spilled into the palm of her hand and she excused herself in lieu of the vacant room. Then pushed a strand of blonde hair out of her face and read as it slowly dropped back into her eyes.

Kay waited in the arch of the doorway, until sensing his presence Arturia flicked her eyes up. Her thin chapped lips pulled into a dull, uneven smile. "Kay, you're here." She dipped her head, prompting him to join her. "I'm glad you're here." She narrowed her eyes, was she happy to see him?

Kay bowed slightly before approaching her desk. "Your majesty, you were missed this evening." He reached into his robe and dropped a cloth of bread and dried cheese on her desk.

Arturia smiled at the food and picked off a piece of the cheese. "Oh, Really? How did Sir Gareth fair in my absence?"

"He did well enough, seeing as the festivities in the dining hall show no sign of stopping."

"Good, let the men have their night. It will likely be the last of such evenings they enjoy for a while. For you see, I have been composing a letter to King Leodegrance." She withdrew a parchment from beneath the scroll. "It's been slow going." She cleared her throat and read.

 _"To my allies in the North at this time Caerleon can only send half the cavalry and heavy swordsmen that Cameliard has requested. Sincerely - Arthur Pendragon."_ She glanced up from the letter, "What do you think?"

Kay caught sight of the amber and green dragon seal that had yet to notarize the parchment. "It's simple and to the point. King Leodegrance is going to hate it. Perhaps you should add more words to buffer the disheartening news."

Arturia stared intently at the letter, releasing a frustrated sigh. "I don't want to buffer anything when by the morrow I'll be sending men to their death."

"This is likely so," Kay agreed. "Which is why you should be sending all your cavalry and a few thousand footmen men to ensure they do not."

Arturia blinked, then blinked again. She was certain she had given the order not to be disturbed by anyone. Especially family. She was not sure who to throw into the stocks the guards or Kay for being annoying. Either way, she was seething from his lack of, she scratched her chin. She couldn't put him in the stocks because... Oh, right, he was her brother. She brought her fingers to her face and massaged out the stress. "It's shit. I know it's shit. But it's the best shit I can do." She slouched, causing her chain mail to pinch into her neck. "You don't agree with me do you?"

Kay wanted nothing more than to reach across the desk and bring her into a hug. Instead, he reached for a goblet then filled it with Ale and pushed it across the desk. "You look tired Arturia."

"I'm exactly tired." She snapped. "Everyone wants me dead, I want the opposite."

He nodded empathetically, the fact that people did want her dead was no lie. This was not the conversation he'd been anticipating, but nonetheless he was ready to have it. "King Rience has announced that after he takes Cameliard he intends to ride into Caerleon to take off your balls. They say he takes the hair off his enemy's balls and spins it into a tapestry for his wife. So if you're asking my counsel, I think we need to crush Rience at Cameliard before he can march on us. We should send every man we've got to fight for your balls."

Arturia rolled her eyes. "You know, the only thing more exhausting than posing as a man is the constant threat to my fictitious genitals." She chuckled, and the air from her laughter pressed uncomfortably against her armor. "Fine," she pounded her gauntlet on her desk. "If I cannot personally ride into Cameliard and kill the bastard myself, I shall coerce Merlin to go in my stead."

Kay "tsk'd" his disapproval. "Since when have you ever coerced Merlin into anything?"

"Oh, you know-" Arturia reached for her goblet and took a drink. "There was the time it rained."

Kay shook his head, having no recollection of ever hearing of this "rain story" from her.

Sensing his confusion, she sought to clarify. "While I was training with Merlin, our hut flooded because the roof had a giant leak and I asked Merlin to-" Arturia paused, her eyes widened. "He made me dredge out eighteen buckets of water. Only we didn't have a bucket. I had to use my hands."

"I can assume at some point Merlin gave you some sort of magical bucket, eh?"

"No." Arturia spat bitterly. "The floor became flooded." She shivered, recalling the dampness that evening. "It was the kind of cold that went straight to the bone."

Kay nodded. "Surely, Merlin created a magical bed for you to sleep on?"

Arturia took another long sip of her wine. "There was a mold that grew over everything. He never mentioned it's toxicity until I slept in it. I got really sick and it lasted for days." She paused, and brought a hand over the part of her chest where the wheezing had hampered her breath. "Then finally he cured me."

"If Merlin refuses you a bucket and a bed on the coldest of days. What is the likelihood of him riding to destroy your enemies?"

A frown made its way across her face as she got caught in the memory. "He really cannot be coerced can he?"

"Here's a thought or rather an idea." Kay's spoke quickly as he foresaw an opportunity to merge his agenda with her plight. "Marriage- Arthur." He knocked the desk, causing Arturia to jump. "It's an asset you've yet to utilize. King Rience has a son and King Leodragence is reported to have a daughter of great beauty. If they were to marry their households could not war. Then Rience would not be able to march on Caerleon out of Leodragence's loyalty to you. With Rience and Leodragence backing your claim to the throne all the other nobles would fall in line. After which we could announce your interest in taking a bride. Should this come to pass I guarantee your enemies will be throwing their daughters at you."

Arturia's nervously rubbed the bridge of her nose inadvertently scratching off a pimple. She pretended to have a sword in her hand and mimed putting it back into the stone. Kay scowled at her, and pressed on. "The King sets the example and the court follows. Your knights will not marry before the King does, and it is causing a divide. There are two parties at work: Those who follow in your celibacy and those who break their knightly vows in the brothels."

She could feel the heat rising in her face. "I doubt that my being married will cause a man to stop visiting those places. But for my amusement please tell me, how does one even find a bride?"

Kay tried to think of what he knew about women. "I believe it starts with the intent. It is said, a lady's mind jumps from adoration to love, and from love to matrimony in a moment. By default You need only say you want a wife and there will likely be a lady whose mind does such for you."

Arturia paled. "How horrifying. Do you think my mind is like that?"

"I suppose your feminine flightiness has been subdued by your masculine training." He didn't want to further frighten her so he was as methodical as possible. "There is a betrothal ceremony that includes the binding of the arms and the collection of the dowry. Then you sign a marital contract." He smiled to himself. "It shall be a grand event with lots of flowery smelling things and white doves, everyone loves such things. For you, especially, a wedding is our best opportunity to soften your image."

"My image is very soft." She pinched her cheek. "It's completely palpable."

"My Kingly sister, you have a severe reputation."

Arturia perk up in her seat and glared at him. "What do you mean severe?"

He gulped. "I mean like less than fun, but not entirely joyless. Just, you know, severe."

"You mean humorless." She dead panned.

"Yes." Kay admitted.

"And dull?"

"Sort of."

She arched her brow. "Joyless and grim?"

"All those things seem to apply to your situation, not your person."

"I've got a realm to rule I'm not meant to be…" Arturia looked around her study for anything that might exemplify her glorious sense of humor. Her eyes fell on a large map mounted to the wall. She did enjoy cartography, but relented maps were very boring. "There are things I do for enjoyment that are so immensely gratifying that you my simple brother cannot wrap your head around."

"Admit you are too busy for fun."

She dropped her head on the cool surface of her desk. "A King admits nothing."

He chuckled, but did not enjoy witnessing her stress. "You're good with other things like..."

Arturia sat up and removed her elbows from the desk. "I've got good table manners."

"Yes, women love that in a man." Kay assured her. "Manners are the mark of an honorable man."

A blush spread over her nose as Arturia pictured herself courting someone. "I've lived as a man my entire life and find women as baffling as they do. For everything about me that is a female I've practiced the opposite. It's a flawed system. Like apples and oranges, men and women live separate lives from each other until marriage. Then they become a fruit basket."

Kay pressed his lips together, forcing down his smile. "I should think your being female would give you an edge. You can instinctively anticipate the fairer sex before they anticipate you."

Arturia stuffed her fingers beneath her armor in an attempt to massage the base of her neck. Her chain mail hardly allowed her access to her own skin, thus scratching was most tedious. "There are some logistical issues with what you are proposing. First and foremost being the fact that I'm not a man."

"Yes, that's been your problem since birth." Kay replied. "A marriage would be little different from what we've always done. Which is hide you in the eye of the public."

"But what about my armor? The fact that I can never take it off. A wife would know something was amiss."

"Then we'll find you a very stupid wife."

"Kay, do you hear yourself? Even a stupid wife would know!" Arturia found herself gripping the edge of her desk. "I can't- I can't coexist with a woman. I need, I need, privacy." She gestured to the space around her. "I need my domain."

"See right there," Kay interjected. "What you just said right now. Married men have been saying it for years. You're very good at this already."

She slowly closed her eyes, and exhaled. "Kay, I want to be able to disrobe in the privacy of my own rooms."

"My dear sister, no one is asking you to live with the queen. When you marry, we will turn the south east tower into the Queen's tower and put her there. You will hardly have to speak to her even less see her. In fact, we'll solve all your problems and find you a blind bride."

This helped ease some of Arturia's nerves, not the blind wife part, but the idea that she was not expected to reside with the Queen. "What's currently in that tower?"

"It's condemned the whole thing needs renovation." Kay replied.

She took another sip of her Ale, "this queen of yours is going to be costly."

"Costly and time consuming. Marriage is one of those things that goes on and on."

"Right," Arturia kept her tone neutral despite her turmoil. "Yet you encourage my own union."

"If it means taking a proxy wife, then you my dear sister-brother must do your part for your country."

"I need to find a woman who can be trusted with my greatest secret." Arturia put down her goblet, reached for a cloth and pressed it against her scratched off pimple. "She needs to be beautiful, intelligent, humorous." She paused as it occurred to her. "I'm not good with jokes it would be agreeable to wed someone who is."

"Yes," Kay said. "It would be ideal if you fell in love with your bride."

"Love," Arturia mused. "A marriage to me would bring on to my spouse misery as they would have to marry King Arthur."

Her statement made Kay soften, it was becoming clear what needed to be done. "I believe your sovereignty will be solidified when you prove that you're more than just a boy who pulled a sword from a stone. For you, marriage is your best hope to grow up in the eyes of your people."

Arturia held the cloth tighter to her face as she stared blankly into space. "Kay, once more this is a terrible idea. What is worst is that I'm more convinced than ever that I need a wife."

"My dear sister we'll find you a proxy wife and then we'll find you proxy children. Perhaps Merlin can make you a magical prick."

"KAY, please, stop talking!"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2.

The banquet hall was coated in syrupy residue, making each step more contemptuously stickier than the next. Arturia tiptoed toward a long dining table where food from the previous evening had yet to be cleared. The main course was the carcass of a roasted pig with an apple in its mouth and a broad sword stuffed unceremoniously up its rear end. She stepped up to the pig and paused, listening for incoming servants. Then grabbed the hilt and pulled. Freeing blades from stuck entries had made her a King, this sword to- pig's arse was an irresistible challenge. She readjusted her grip and pulled again, using pig grease for traction, she yanked.

She closed her eyes and for a brief moment, she was back lifting Caliburn before the greatest knights in the realm. Ever the champion, the sword eased out and echoed as she dropped it on the floor. She sat down nearly knocking over a flight of wine beneath the table. Then leaned over the side of her armrest and picked it up, bringing it cautiously to her nose. She inhaled making sure it was not poison or pee, then drank. The pungent aroma of wine cleared her sinuses temporarily relieving pressure behind her eyes. This is what happened when she left Sir Gareth in charge. Chaos.

Her conversation with Sir Kay about marriage had left her unable to sleep or think of much else. She spent the night wanting a drink, but if she had shown up to the feast she would have been coaxed into being Arthur. When she was Arthur it was like there were two people inhabiting the same body. Arthur was beautiful, he spoke with a refined accent, his ideas were radical, and he listened to no one. People feared Arthur, truthfully she feared the part of herself that needed to be him. She grabbed the wine and slipped out of the hall before anyone noticed her.

Outside of her kingly regalia, she wore simple, brown, hooded peasant clothing, baggy enough to conceal her chain mail. She helped herself to an egg from the basket of a kitchen girl. The girl blushed and dropped her head with skittish excitement. Arturia stood uncomfortably trying to think of something to say. This exchange was so odd that she could only dumbly mumble her thanks. Upon doing so she felt her confidence in Sir Kay's plan waning furthermore from being put into action. If she could not speak with a woman, then she would not be able to marry one.

She stepped into the yard the scent of livestock, hay, and soil filled her lungs. It made her nose instantly runny and left soreness in the back of her throat. She reached for the scarf around her neck and rearranged it over her mouth. The morning chill embedded itself into her tunic seeping beneath her layers freezing her in her chain mail. She began jogging out of the partial and physical need to escape the memory of her awkward encounter with the servant girl.

At seventeen Arturia had been in few actual battles, but fought daily with her men. She depended on fast attacks in close proximity and preferred working with two light swords, no shield. Her small frame made working with a broadsword impossible since she could hardly lift one over her head, let alone swing it with any success. Knights constantly challenged her to mock fights, as King, it was her job to absorb their punishment without complaint. This left her bruised, riddled with scars, sore in the mornings, and stiffness in her knees and hips. Getting her face knocked in was not what Arturia would have chosen for herself, but it was another part of Arthur.

Arturia passed the east tower, which was less of a tower and more of a pile of crumbling stone. There was something unsettling in the way the building leaned off kilter that made her pick up her pace as she crossed beneath its shadow. Caerleon was formerly a Roman settlement, it was built flat with short walls and towers that encased the inner city. The city was red and symmetrically beautiful with a vineyard, olive trees, and a working aqueduct leftover from the Romans. She did not have enough masons among her people to repair the settlement as the Romans had made everything out of brick. In his time Uther Pendragon had re-purposed some of the structures, but warring amongst the Briton tribes destroyed what had been built.

Arturia pulled back a hanging of wild jasmine revealing a hole in the outer city wall, she climbed through the hole sealing off the passage behind her. Then followed a steep trail down into a pasture, where she walked in hip length grass until she came upon a weather beaten fence. She hopped up on the fence with her egg and wine balance in hand. Then knocked the egg on the fence, the exterior shell oozed. The sun came up over the horizon and began thawing her out. She sipped her wine and sucked her egg.

A prickling sensation trailed up her neck and she shivered. All natural sound around her ceased, an electrical current lingered in the air. She whipped her head back and forth shaking off a bout of drowsiness. Then looked up and was greeted by the magnificent sight of her oldest friend. The Magnus pulled back his indigo cloak, his long brown hair was tied out of his face, framing pleasant blue eyes. He had pointed eyebrows, a smooth beardless chin, and a lazy half grin. Following the Magnus was a pure white stallion with a mane that went from white to pitch black.

"Merlin- That's a beautiful horse," Arturia said, making note of the bedroll and saddlebags neatly packed on the horse's back.

"Good morning, dear boy." Merlin greeted her with a warm smile, he turned and rubbed the horse's nose. "This here is Oleander. She is the descendant of the unicorn." Merlin reached for the carafe in her hand, helping himself to a drink as she admired the horse.

Arturia nodded, trying to recall from her reading what she knew of flowers and unicorns.

"Didn't think you rode Merlin?"

Merlin smiled, "I don't"

She gazed from the horse to the Magnus, who was calmly enjoying her wine. "Oleander is not meant for you is she?"

"You are such a clever boy, my Arthur," said Merlin. "There's a place that you must go, Oleander is the only one who knows how to get there."

She glared at the Magnus with a resounding, "no" to whatever goose chase he was sending her on. Merlin placed an empathetic hand on her shoulder, which was shrugged off.

"Do you remember the story of Achilles?" He asked.

Arturia chewed her lip unwilling to give Merlin any response, although reading great legends had been a part of her tutorage.

Merlin continued unfazed by her pouting. "Do you remember who Achilles fought?"

"Hector," she glared impatiently at him. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because you are like Hector."

"She recalled how Achilles slew Hector and dragged his body around the city of Troy on the back of a chariot.

"I've had a premonition today," Merlin said.

Arturia froze, there was a CRUNCH, she gazed down at her egg now yellowing the dirt below her. Then looked out into the field and noticed how the sun was beginning to warm her up. The sky was cloudless, it was the bluest she had ever seen.

Arturia swallowed dryly, "but what of Caerleon? There's work to be accomplished yet."

Merlin made a sweeping gesture toward Oleander's saddle. "King Arthur has given this realm two years of stability. Now your path is evolving and something calls you. I'm not sure what but I can feel it." The Magnus placed his hand on Arturia shoulder and the touch immediately took hold of her senses. She could hear music it sounded like a drum combined with the subtle hiss of a snake. Then she let go and allowed the music to draw her into sleep. She became aware of Merlin's voice calling her back.

Her cheeks burned and she felt slightly dizzy, "you could warn me, Merlin."

"Apologies, my dear boy. You have such a sensitive palette to magic."

Arturia could feel her entire body vibrating, she clenched her teeth grinding her back molars together. Her mind began to organize what she just experienced. Being touched by magic always left her drowsy, but there was something in what Merlin had shown her.

"I have attempted to see into your near future," he said. "And what was shown was you defeated, injured, bleeding."

She began making her way back toward the holding. "I do not wish to go anywhere on that horse.".

"Your destiny was set into motion the moment you pulled Caliburn from the stone. Do not be frightened of what is already happening this quest is merely the next step in your life."

Arturia stopped and turned around, "I don't want anymore quests Merlin. I want to stay here and till the land."

"I have sent men down this path, but you are precious to me, my dear boy."

Merlin's voice became softer and softer until it was nothing more than a ringing in her ear. There was a gust of air that caused leafs and dirt to whirlwind off the ground. Arturia looked again and he was gone.

She hopped off the fence carefully approaching the horse. "Oleander. Please, lead the way." The horse dipped its head, she reached out and ran her fingers over its nose. Then pulled herself into the saddle barely managing to settle in before Oleander broke into a gallop. They passed wheat fields and headed straight into the woods, the longer she rode the more exhausted she became. Securing a tight double knot was her last memory before the sleep took over her senses. It was a feverish nap, she could feel the air whipping around her and smooth gait of the horse. She could feel pressure on her shoulders, pressing her down locking her in place.

The first thing that brought her back was the sensation of heat. Her eyes fluttered open as she realized she was lying forward against Oleander's mane with strings of horse hairs glued to the side of her face with sweat. She wiped the hair away and looked down at her reflection in the water. She quickly untied herself and fell head first from Oleander into the water. It was not how she anticipated quenching her thirst, but the cool liquid helped to drastically reduce her temperature and made her more aware of her surroundings.

She was on a lake somewhere in the middle of a large wood. Above her, there was a purple mountain range, which reflected against the lake. The lake was lined with a soft sandy bank and there was a smooth cluster of rock built up by the water's edge. She brought a handful of water to her face to wash off the effects of the magically induced sleep.

She heard rustling and ducked close to Oleander who continued drinking alongside of her undisturbed. There was more rustling, she looked again, a Silver Knight atop of a black horse stepped out of the tree line. In the knight's hand was a long ceremonial jousting lance with two more short lances tied on each side of the horse.

"How dare you try to defile my lady!" The Silver Knight lifted his lance and charged

Arturia grabbed Oleander's reigns and dragged herself back onto the saddled. She scanned the terrain for a lady, it would seem they were alone. She barely managed to turn the horse when the Lancer struck her in the chest, sending her flying backward off the horse. Her head bounced off the ground as she landed, she momentarily blacked out.

The silver knight lifted his lance ready to plunge it into Arturia's spine. Then stopped and called out toward the lake, "of course, I mean to kill him. I cannot abide this lad forcing himself on you."

Arturia peeked up at the Knight, who was in a deep conversation with- himself? She looked around there was no one else present, "to whom are you talking to?" She asked.

The knight scowled at her, "are you, blind man! She is before your eyes. The most beautiful Lady there ever was." The silver knight poked her with the tip of his lance, " you have defiled my lady and now you must die."

Arturia got on her knees and put her face to the ground, unsure to whom she addressed. "Beautiful, Lady I apologize for my intrusion. It was never my intent to come upon you unawares. Please, forgive this knight for his misdeed."

The Silver Knight folded his arms in front of his chest, "apology accepted, but still, you must die."

Arturia did not like the way he sounded so sure of himself. "Wait, wait- I'm unarmed. It's dishonorable to kill an unarmed man." She dropped her head down, unable to face whatever violent ending awaited her. The cold tip of a lance her cut into her cheek, drawing a drop of blood.

The erratic knight dropped his stance, "alright, find a weapon." He turned and continued to babble deep in conversation with the phantom woman.

Arturia searched the ground on her hands and knees for anything that could be used as a weapon. She found a medium sized stone and heaved it up to chin level. "What do they call you Lancer?" She said trying to stall his attack long enough to piece together an escape plan.

The knight whirled his lance above his head and aimed its point at her. "My name is, Lot."

Arturia nodded stalling for any opening. "Do you have a surname or are you just a Lancer, known as Lot?

"My name is just Lot." He whirled the lance impressively around his back. "My lance belongs to the Lady of this Lake."

Arturia looked out into the terrain for the lady he spoke of but found nothing. "You keep talking about this great beauty. Pray, tell where is she?"

He pointed to the water, "just looking at such a fair Lady fills me with inspiration. Good Lady, see that my lance pierces my opponent with truth. Please make sure that he doesn't suffer a horribly painful death. He's a good lad who made a mistake. Allow me to send him on his way with dignity and… OUCH!"

Arturia threw the rock as hard as she could at his head. The weight of the rock did not give her the distance she hoped for and it hit him in the shoulder.

The silver knight spun around gripping his shoulder. "It's a low thing to hit a man from behind. I take my prayer back, you will die most horribly." He stabbed her through the stomach pinning her to the ground like a flayed fish. She could only gurgle as blood filled her throat inhibiting the passage of air. She closed her eyes and accepted it, this was it, her fate like Hector. She would die on a sandy beach at the hand of a crazed knight. She wanted to believe she had a better story, but perhaps not.

Lot took the spear and dipped it in the water, the blood on the end of the spear made the water around it purple. Lot turned to Arturia whose lips were yellowing from the loss of blood. He slapped her cheeks, her drooping eyelids fluttered shut.


End file.
